I Might Really Be Over Hummus

Let me just say that a restricted diet is no fun at all - even when you can find things on it you really enjoy. Waking up on Day 3 and even thinking about peanut butter made me queasy. In case you missed that, it's only Day 3. I've really run the gamut of my options in two days, and now I don't want any of it. Even where I afforded myself some grace to enjoy an iced soy chai is not as good as I thought. I have lost the pleasure I had in it. I don't even want that. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of any food I want. I'm sure that when I get really hungry I'll turn to something, anything, organic. But it's hard when I sit here and feed Logan yogo's that I can't have.

Enough of my whining! I should be talking about what God is doing [just in three days!] and what He's called me to do for this fast.

First, why I'm fasting. Well, there's an awful lot going on in my life. Daniel is needing a new job, I am needing to find my place in God's kingdom, and we need a home of our own. Not to mention that I'm literally addicted to food and need to reclaim my own body and put it into submission under God. The job and the house sound like such fleeting, temporal things. Why would I fast about those? Because God answers prayers, and He needs to know that I'm serious about following Him to receive those things which sustain us. Also, God told me that I wasn't going to get any direction until I started doing what He said. Item by item, one at a time, God has given me very clear directions about specific things I need to do to hear about our path. One was to ask a friend to travel with me, even though I didn't think she could make it. The next was to tithe more regularly. After that came this fast. I've always wanted to fast, but never felt called to, until now. And it's rough.

However, in only 3 days God has been doing a work in me. Yesterday after lunch I said, "Hmm, I'm full, but I'm just not satisfied." Completely unsolicited the Lord responded, "You have been filling yourself up with the world all your life, but you'll never be satisfied until you fill yourself up with Me." To which I replied, "Ok, then give me more of You" and He did. God doesn't play around. You ask, and He gives. He said that with my vanity, there's not enough room for Him. He reminded me that Daniel was mourning, that's why he was fasting [in verse 10:3] so I would be called to mourn for the things I've put in God's place in my life. Vanity was number one. So during this fast I'm not going to style, cut, or colour my hair nor am I going to wear makeup or use perfume. I can take showers, use deoderant and wear clean clothes - and that's it.

This sounds a little extreme - but if you have seen God move how can anything be worth more than that?! He is my Great Provider, and He will take care of me. I am not going to be in control and yet things will work out. He told me so, and I'm clinging to that every time I see someone have a doughnut.

Jes