Learning Lots

So here is the deal with me and food. I love food. I have a very emotional connection to food and cooking. This is not in reference to my emotional eating problem, but more like how I use food as symbols of care and love (ask anyone who's received cookies or bread from me). I can't always give up on food.

I had a friend a few years back who had very little connection to food. She ate to feed her body, and even expressed her delight in the thought that she wouldn't have to eat in heaven. I can't be that person.But what I can be is a person who puts food in its proper place. A person who can find the pleasure in food without living to eat.

I'm discovering that I can make really great meals without all the processed junk, or even basic things like eggs and dairy. Tonight I made whole wheat corn cakes and was able to substitute the eggs with baby food (sweet potatoes) and the buttermilk for soy milk with a touch of vinegar in it.

Prior to this fast, I was a Weight Watchers member. Let me say first, that they really do have a great program that really works if you stick to it. I, however was finding ways of bending the rules and I was squandering my points on things that did not feed my body. Even when I was really strict with the points I wouldn't lose. I think it is because I was living off of processed junk and fake sugars. I felt sick all the time and I had no energy. They have a segment of their program called Core, where certain foods (like veggies, whole grains etc) are an "eat until you're full" thing. I was always afraid to go on core because I knew I'd have to stop filling myself with junk. Now I realize that it would be the best thing for me. While on the fast I've been logging my points to see how this lifestyle adds up. It is not uncommon for me to go to bed satisfied but still have 1/3 of my daily points left over. Before I'd be working out just so I could eat more (how twisted is that?).

I feel like God is showing me how to put food in it's place, but still have it be a special thing to me. Food itself is not EVIL but the way I worshiped it was.

I'm going to continue to pray about my emotional eating. I gained 10lbs in the 40 days in between when my husband was going to Afghanistan and when he left. And even though I started going to the gym regularly I still gained weight. Food was there for me he couldn't be. It was not uncommon for me to have a bad, screaming baby day then eat like a Roman from the time he went down til I finally hauled my bloated body to my own bed. I told myself that I was stressed, and that I deserved it. But don't I deserve to handle my emotions in a normal way?

In the days since the fast began, my son has not been any better behaved (by toddler standards), but knowing I cannot just eat something obscene to put a band-aid on my feelings has caused me to react differently to the stresses of parenting.

God is good, and he has been seeing me through this challenge, and I am so excited to see what the coming 2 weeks will bring!