I'm going to be honest here [if not here, where?] and say that I am shocked that I have made it this far. I hadn't realised the significance in saying that a three week fast is as much about perseverance as personal denial. I am tired of all the food that I can have and long desperately for a cheeseburger. But quitting now just isn't an option - as much as I may have tried to justify it to myself yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that yesterday was my hardest day yet. It's boring, it's frustrating, and I'm hungry. This food is not exciting. I'm not a cooking type of person, so I get absolutely no thrill from coming up with great new vegan recipes [without sweetener]. I'm sick of being vegan.
However, God came in such strength last night at LHoP. I'm not saying that it's because Chris and myself [and the church as a whole] are fasting - I'm saying it because He did. And I can see that God coming in His strength is something I can have if I ask for it. I've been asking for all kinds of different things during this fast, and for the most part have received them. Now I feel like if I ask God to come and overwhelm me, He will. So that's what I'll be working on this last week while our church fasts for restoration and our children. Naturally, I'll be praying for those things too [as my two children are bound for the Lord!] but what I need more than anything is for Him to be my everything, and in strength - to show me in a tangible way that He can take care of me better than anyone on earth ever could.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Praise Jesus, our Messiah!
Forgive my exuberance, but I'm really excited! Through this fast God has revealed so much, and also answered prayer in a way I've never experienced. Earlier posts show I am fasting for my brother [Jeremy] to move into the Monastery and have his heart changed by God. Last night, he sent his application and was approved TODAY! Praise Him! We've set a date, the first full weekend in March, for him to move down here. He's pretty nervous now, but I have confidence that God will shower him in such grace that he'll know that God loves him and died for him.
Praise You, Lord, that You have delivered Jeremy to such a place that your people can show him what it really means to serve and love You! Change his heart, that he will seek you out, and accept the gift of Jesus, Emmanuel, our Messiah!
Praise You, Lord, that You have delivered Jeremy to such a place that your people can show him what it really means to serve and love You! Change his heart, that he will seek you out, and accept the gift of Jesus, Emmanuel, our Messiah!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I Thought it was Over
You know, a week long fast is a really difficult thing. Of course, most fasts are difficult. But I'm realising that the longer the fast the harder it is. We're well into Week 2 and I am just about sick to death of everything I'm allowed to eat. I ate three bites of hummus and pushed it away. I can't even look at falafel. I do still like fruit [thank you, Jesus!] and am actually willing to try a [gulp!] banana. I know. It's a big deal. I can see now that the Daniel fast is as much about remaining on a restricted diet as it is pushing through, pressing on, and perservering through two more entire weeks.
Two days into our second week [yesterday] I thought to myself, "Well, God really isn't speaking much to me anymore like He was last week." I mean, c'mon! Almost every day was some new revelation! I realised that He hadn't given me much the second week of the fast because He has infinite mercy on me. He knew that I would go to class last night and be physically struck with the truths and emotions I would face. I was a wreck, literally, and thought I would be one of the sobbing girls who threw up. It was heavy, man. God showed up like a Champion - MY Champion and put Himself in between me and all of that anger, hurt, and pain.
On the car ride home [all of 7 minutes] I was pretty much shouting to God. I can't do it anymore. I can't deal with the uncertainty! I can't deal with the overwhelming apathy in my family that is postponing things. I can't drive this train, I don't want to, and I'm simply out of strength completely. I can't fight God or man. I'm done, Lord. What will You do with me now? Please take care of my family. Lord, You told me that if I did what You said You would show me our path. My family need to begin our lives, Lord, and we ask for bread. We know you won't give us a stone.
Is anyone as tired as I am? I'm just ready for Jesus to come back. I can't live this life anymore, and need more of Him in it.
Two days into our second week [yesterday] I thought to myself, "Well, God really isn't speaking much to me anymore like He was last week." I mean, c'mon! Almost every day was some new revelation! I realised that He hadn't given me much the second week of the fast because He has infinite mercy on me. He knew that I would go to class last night and be physically struck with the truths and emotions I would face. I was a wreck, literally, and thought I would be one of the sobbing girls who threw up. It was heavy, man. God showed up like a Champion - MY Champion and put Himself in between me and all of that anger, hurt, and pain.
On the car ride home [all of 7 minutes] I was pretty much shouting to God. I can't do it anymore. I can't deal with the uncertainty! I can't deal with the overwhelming apathy in my family that is postponing things. I can't drive this train, I don't want to, and I'm simply out of strength completely. I can't fight God or man. I'm done, Lord. What will You do with me now? Please take care of my family. Lord, You told me that if I did what You said You would show me our path. My family need to begin our lives, Lord, and we ask for bread. We know you won't give us a stone.
Is anyone as tired as I am? I'm just ready for Jesus to come back. I can't live this life anymore, and need more of Him in it.
Tempting
Yesterday was a day, let me tell you.
Before lunch, I took Jacob on a walk outside. While down in the cul-de-sac I turned and looked at our home. And there were at least 20 shingles missing!!! I can't begin to tell you the panic that came to me then. I mean, crap! Why does this stuff always have to happen when my husband is deployed?
So I called USAA (insurance) and got some answers and figured that no matter what I'll be struggling with a little menage a trois between me, them and a roofer. Joy.
Then I went inside to make the baby a lunch. Why was it mac and cheese? I wanted to bury my troubles in its cheesy goodness. But that is precisely the kind of behavior that I'm trying to put a stop to. I was able to push through and make a veggie and bean burrito and a bowl of soup.
So fast forward to the late afternoon. I had to take my husband's car in for state inspection. I choose to do all of our car stuff at the Toyota dealership in Chesapeake. They are a bit slow but that have a nice new facility with a kids play room that has a TV and a door and everything. So I can just sit in there with Wild Man while he has fun for 2 hours.
I also brought my car in for some crazy lights that popped up (again) on the dash and once again were nothing. But I was informed that my car failed inspection (!?!?!) because of two tires. What? They were both passenger side tires. So rather than drive the car home, search for cheaper tires then get them put on and then return for another inspection I just decided to go ahead and get the tires put on right then and there. I paid maybe $20 more per tire there, and I think it was worth not having to turn it into another 9 billion trips.
Well, start temptation round #2. I was heading home with nearly $300 worth of new tires on my credit card (that I've been trying to pay off), a cranky toddler and an empty belly. I was tired and frustrated. I so wanted to pull into a McDonalds, or call for Chinese, or order a pizza. The last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner.
But I did. And it was wonderful. Falafel and sweet potato fries. Mmmm....
Also, I feel I should mention I have had a lot of "spiritual warfare" lately. I've noticed my anxiety has been creeping up on me, and I've been feeling a general sense of dread and sadness. Thankfully, I saw it for what it was and was able to pray for it specifically, which has helped astronomically.
Anyone else dealing with spiritual attacks?
Before lunch, I took Jacob on a walk outside. While down in the cul-de-sac I turned and looked at our home. And there were at least 20 shingles missing!!! I can't begin to tell you the panic that came to me then. I mean, crap! Why does this stuff always have to happen when my husband is deployed?
So I called USAA (insurance) and got some answers and figured that no matter what I'll be struggling with a little menage a trois between me, them and a roofer. Joy.
Then I went inside to make the baby a lunch. Why was it mac and cheese? I wanted to bury my troubles in its cheesy goodness. But that is precisely the kind of behavior that I'm trying to put a stop to. I was able to push through and make a veggie and bean burrito and a bowl of soup.
So fast forward to the late afternoon. I had to take my husband's car in for state inspection. I choose to do all of our car stuff at the Toyota dealership in Chesapeake. They are a bit slow but that have a nice new facility with a kids play room that has a TV and a door and everything. So I can just sit in there with Wild Man while he has fun for 2 hours.
I also brought my car in for some crazy lights that popped up (again) on the dash and once again were nothing. But I was informed that my car failed inspection (!?!?!) because of two tires. What? They were both passenger side tires. So rather than drive the car home, search for cheaper tires then get them put on and then return for another inspection I just decided to go ahead and get the tires put on right then and there. I paid maybe $20 more per tire there, and I think it was worth not having to turn it into another 9 billion trips.
Well, start temptation round #2. I was heading home with nearly $300 worth of new tires on my credit card (that I've been trying to pay off), a cranky toddler and an empty belly. I was tired and frustrated. I so wanted to pull into a McDonalds, or call for Chinese, or order a pizza. The last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner.
But I did. And it was wonderful. Falafel and sweet potato fries. Mmmm....
Also, I feel I should mention I have had a lot of "spiritual warfare" lately. I've noticed my anxiety has been creeping up on me, and I've been feeling a general sense of dread and sadness. Thankfully, I saw it for what it was and was able to pray for it specifically, which has helped astronomically.
Anyone else dealing with spiritual attacks?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Learning Lots
So here is the deal with me and food. I love food. I have a very emotional connection to food and cooking. This is not in reference to my emotional eating problem, but more like how I use food as symbols of care and love (ask anyone who's received cookies or bread from me). I can't always give up on food.
I had a friend a few years back who had very little connection to food. She ate to feed her body, and even expressed her delight in the thought that she wouldn't have to eat in heaven. I can't be that person.But what I can be is a person who puts food in its proper place. A person who can find the pleasure in food without living to eat.
I'm discovering that I can make really great meals without all the processed junk, or even basic things like eggs and dairy. Tonight I made whole wheat corn cakes and was able to substitute the eggs with baby food (sweet potatoes) and the buttermilk for soy milk with a touch of vinegar in it.
Prior to this fast, I was a Weight Watchers member. Let me say first, that they really do have a great program that really works if you stick to it. I, however was finding ways of bending the rules and I was squandering my points on things that did not feed my body. Even when I was really strict with the points I wouldn't lose. I think it is because I was living off of processed junk and fake sugars. I felt sick all the time and I had no energy. They have a segment of their program called Core, where certain foods (like veggies, whole grains etc) are an "eat until you're full" thing. I was always afraid to go on core because I knew I'd have to stop filling myself with junk. Now I realize that it would be the best thing for me. While on the fast I've been logging my points to see how this lifestyle adds up. It is not uncommon for me to go to bed satisfied but still have 1/3 of my daily points left over. Before I'd be working out just so I could eat more (how twisted is that?).
I feel like God is showing me how to put food in it's place, but still have it be a special thing to me. Food itself is not EVIL but the way I worshiped it was.
I'm going to continue to pray about my emotional eating. I gained 10lbs in the 40 days in between when my husband was going to Afghanistan and when he left. And even though I started going to the gym regularly I still gained weight. Food was there for me he couldn't be. It was not uncommon for me to have a bad, screaming baby day then eat like a Roman from the time he went down til I finally hauled my bloated body to my own bed. I told myself that I was stressed, and that I deserved it. But don't I deserve to handle my emotions in a normal way?
In the days since the fast began, my son has not been any better behaved (by toddler standards), but knowing I cannot just eat something obscene to put a band-aid on my feelings has caused me to react differently to the stresses of parenting.
God is good, and he has been seeing me through this challenge, and I am so excited to see what the coming 2 weeks will bring!
I had a friend a few years back who had very little connection to food. She ate to feed her body, and even expressed her delight in the thought that she wouldn't have to eat in heaven. I can't be that person.But what I can be is a person who puts food in its proper place. A person who can find the pleasure in food without living to eat.
I'm discovering that I can make really great meals without all the processed junk, or even basic things like eggs and dairy. Tonight I made whole wheat corn cakes and was able to substitute the eggs with baby food (sweet potatoes) and the buttermilk for soy milk with a touch of vinegar in it.
Prior to this fast, I was a Weight Watchers member. Let me say first, that they really do have a great program that really works if you stick to it. I, however was finding ways of bending the rules and I was squandering my points on things that did not feed my body. Even when I was really strict with the points I wouldn't lose. I think it is because I was living off of processed junk and fake sugars. I felt sick all the time and I had no energy. They have a segment of their program called Core, where certain foods (like veggies, whole grains etc) are an "eat until you're full" thing. I was always afraid to go on core because I knew I'd have to stop filling myself with junk. Now I realize that it would be the best thing for me. While on the fast I've been logging my points to see how this lifestyle adds up. It is not uncommon for me to go to bed satisfied but still have 1/3 of my daily points left over. Before I'd be working out just so I could eat more (how twisted is that?).
I feel like God is showing me how to put food in it's place, but still have it be a special thing to me. Food itself is not EVIL but the way I worshiped it was.
I'm going to continue to pray about my emotional eating. I gained 10lbs in the 40 days in between when my husband was going to Afghanistan and when he left. And even though I started going to the gym regularly I still gained weight. Food was there for me he couldn't be. It was not uncommon for me to have a bad, screaming baby day then eat like a Roman from the time he went down til I finally hauled my bloated body to my own bed. I told myself that I was stressed, and that I deserved it. But don't I deserve to handle my emotions in a normal way?
In the days since the fast began, my son has not been any better behaved (by toddler standards), but knowing I cannot just eat something obscene to put a band-aid on my feelings has caused me to react differently to the stresses of parenting.
God is good, and he has been seeing me through this challenge, and I am so excited to see what the coming 2 weeks will bring!
What I'm Fasting for Now!
Hey everyone! It's day 5 of the fast and God is just moving in my life and shaking things up around here! I've found a few things that I could eat every single meal [most specifically falafel] and I'm trying new recipes. I'm also getting a better sense of when I'm hungry, full, and when I would be "hungry" because I was bored. Then there's the things God has been doing externally!
So, just to recap, here's what I was fasting for:
1. Breaking my addiction to food [mostly sugar] and eating my feelings
2. Removing the idol that is food, naming him Bacchus and ousting him from God's place in my heart.
3. Daniel to be driven and soft before God about his life and specifically his vocation
4. That I would trust God would give me and my family our own place to live
5. That I would know God, and He would show me my place in His kingdom
In just five days, here's what I've already received:
1. As I remove sugar from my diet, I am breaking that addiction
2.There is a specific prayer to release that idol, and I'm working on making it an altar to the one true and holy Lord
3. Daniel has chosen the shipyard. I'm still fasting for more of the Lord in this.
4.God has shown me that what I hope for is ok to ask for! He shows me that He will provide a home for me, even if that means it's not exactly what I think. I'm not driving this train! I'm still fasting for this.
5.I've started going to a New Community class [yay, Dean!] about the spiritual gifts - exactly what I'm needing to show me my gifts [though I have an idea] and how I can fit into my place.
This is incredible! Well, if you think that's great, wait until you get a load of this! I've been praying for my younger brother Jeremy quite a bit. He doesn't work, is unhealthy, and doesn't provide a good role model for his two young daughters. I love him and really want a change for him. I've told him more than once if he ever wanted to move out of state that I would help him get into the monastery, get a job, and have a better life. Out of nowhere two days ago, I spoke to him and he was actually and seriously considering moving down here!! I couldn't believe it! I praised the Lord and am in the process of helping him achieve that end. Now, I have at new thing added to my fast list:
6. That the Lord would send the Holy Spirit to soften Jeremy's heart so he would be willing and ready to come down here, learn about Jesus, renew his faith, live in community, and seek better for himself.
If I don't fast for anything but that, it'll be worth it!
Jes
So, just to recap, here's what I was fasting for:
1. Breaking my addiction to food [mostly sugar] and eating my feelings
2. Removing the idol that is food, naming him Bacchus and ousting him from God's place in my heart.
3. Daniel to be driven and soft before God about his life and specifically his vocation
4. That I would trust God would give me and my family our own place to live
5. That I would know God, and He would show me my place in His kingdom
In just five days, here's what I've already received:
1. As I remove sugar from my diet, I am breaking that addiction
2.There is a specific prayer to release that idol, and I'm working on making it an altar to the one true and holy Lord
3. Daniel has chosen the shipyard. I'm still fasting for more of the Lord in this.
4.God has shown me that what I hope for is ok to ask for! He shows me that He will provide a home for me, even if that means it's not exactly what I think. I'm not driving this train! I'm still fasting for this.
5.I've started going to a New Community class [yay, Dean!] about the spiritual gifts - exactly what I'm needing to show me my gifts [though I have an idea] and how I can fit into my place.
This is incredible! Well, if you think that's great, wait until you get a load of this! I've been praying for my younger brother Jeremy quite a bit. He doesn't work, is unhealthy, and doesn't provide a good role model for his two young daughters. I love him and really want a change for him. I've told him more than once if he ever wanted to move out of state that I would help him get into the monastery, get a job, and have a better life. Out of nowhere two days ago, I spoke to him and he was actually and seriously considering moving down here!! I couldn't believe it! I praised the Lord and am in the process of helping him achieve that end. Now, I have at new thing added to my fast list:
6. That the Lord would send the Holy Spirit to soften Jeremy's heart so he would be willing and ready to come down here, learn about Jesus, renew his faith, live in community, and seek better for himself.
If I don't fast for anything but that, it'll be worth it!
Jes
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Day Four
I definitely underestimated what caffeine withdrawal would be like. I read online that it includes, headaches, sleepiness, muscle aches, mood instability and a general feeling of malaise. I can personally vouch for all of that.
I also read that it is supposed to ease after four days. Today is day four, so I am hopeful.
Someone said to me, "Fasting is from the old times in the Bible. We don't have to do that anymore." And I think it's true that we don't have to do it anymore, but I do think there is such benefit in it. I've already received revelation from the Lord, more clarity in my prayer life, and have been attacked by the enemy. Obviously, things are happening.
So, I press on. God's strength is made whole in my weakness and He is so good.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
So it is now day 3 and I'm wondering how everyone is feeling, surely with this dramatic change in lifestyle, everyone is bound to have had some kind of changes. I know that I have personally am experiences a lot already. Some negative things like; hunger pains, caffeine withdraw, and major cravings for certain foods but mostly I am feeling a lot of positive things. At first I thought that giving up tv (I also am giving up tv for the three months while we are fasting and adding an hour of prayer in to my daily schedule) would be harder than the food, ive done diets in where you give up things before so I somewhat am use to going with out some of my favorite things, it was not as intense as this fast though in were you give up all of your favorites. I have realized though that it is one of the easiest things to give up, well i do have my ipod to fill the silence which without it would not be as easy. As far as for hunger pains, I simply just ask God to take them away or focus my mind on something else, or to give me fufillment off of what i do eat and that has pretty much taken them away. Now caffeine headachess are another thing, im still having those, which suprises me since I didnt drink soda anyways but I guess that I was drinking enough sweet tea and coffee to create an addiction to the caffeine. I did slightly feel drained the first day for a lack of caffeinee and sugar but my subsitution for that is to drink water. I mean really its not going to hurt me at all, I have to pee alot but i think thats all part of the detox too. The weird thing is I never really drank a lot of water but yesterday afternoon that is all I wanted, not even really food so much but I couldn't get enough water.
I think mentally and emotionally though I am feeling the best, I have been praying for the last month to have "a happy heart". I am more focused on Jesus than I ever have been, I crave him all the time and think about him more and more every moment. Isn't that amazing, its only day 3 and I am already feeling him work to create the relationship I am asking for. I am sick of living in brokenness, I am ready to be "full" and whole in Jesus. Recently I have been dewelling in all the past broken relationships that I have had.. i mean dwelling in them to the point in where i was breaking myself more and more every day and think of nothing but boys boys boys. Very unhealthy thoughts and not good at all, I was obsessive with it and constantly asking God to give me a husband and that I was sick of being lonely and wanting a man. I have recently refocused my prayers for God to help me fix my brokeness and make me whole again and to take my mind off of boys or a husband. I have asked him to take all obstacles out of my life so that I can be focused on him, How am I suppose expect God to give me a whole good christian husband, if I myself am not working on being whole myself. I have been reading a book that is called "What is a girl to do, while waiting for Mr Right. Its a book focused on being okay with being single and to see what amazing things God is doing in my life that he won't be able to do when I have a husband. Oh so exciting... so who else is feeling what and how are they dealing with their cravings and such.....
I think mentally and emotionally though I am feeling the best, I have been praying for the last month to have "a happy heart". I am more focused on Jesus than I ever have been, I crave him all the time and think about him more and more every moment. Isn't that amazing, its only day 3 and I am already feeling him work to create the relationship I am asking for. I am sick of living in brokenness, I am ready to be "full" and whole in Jesus. Recently I have been dewelling in all the past broken relationships that I have had.. i mean dwelling in them to the point in where i was breaking myself more and more every day and think of nothing but boys boys boys. Very unhealthy thoughts and not good at all, I was obsessive with it and constantly asking God to give me a husband and that I was sick of being lonely and wanting a man. I have recently refocused my prayers for God to help me fix my brokeness and make me whole again and to take my mind off of boys or a husband. I have asked him to take all obstacles out of my life so that I can be focused on him, How am I suppose expect God to give me a whole good christian husband, if I myself am not working on being whole myself. I have been reading a book that is called "What is a girl to do, while waiting for Mr Right. Its a book focused on being okay with being single and to see what amazing things God is doing in my life that he won't be able to do when I have a husband. Oh so exciting... so who else is feeling what and how are they dealing with their cravings and such.....
I Might Really Be Over Hummus
Let me just say that a restricted diet is no fun at all - even when you can find things on it you really enjoy. Waking up on Day 3 and even thinking about peanut butter made me queasy. In case you missed that, it's only Day 3. I've really run the gamut of my options in two days, and now I don't want any of it. Even where I afforded myself some grace to enjoy an iced soy chai is not as good as I thought. I have lost the pleasure I had in it. I don't even want that. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of any food I want. I'm sure that when I get really hungry I'll turn to something, anything, organic. But it's hard when I sit here and feed Logan yogo's that I can't have.
Enough of my whining! I should be talking about what God is doing [just in three days!] and what He's called me to do for this fast.
First, why I'm fasting. Well, there's an awful lot going on in my life. Daniel is needing a new job, I am needing to find my place in God's kingdom, and we need a home of our own. Not to mention that I'm literally addicted to food and need to reclaim my own body and put it into submission under God. The job and the house sound like such fleeting, temporal things. Why would I fast about those? Because God answers prayers, and He needs to know that I'm serious about following Him to receive those things which sustain us. Also, God told me that I wasn't going to get any direction until I started doing what He said. Item by item, one at a time, God has given me very clear directions about specific things I need to do to hear about our path. One was to ask a friend to travel with me, even though I didn't think she could make it. The next was to tithe more regularly. After that came this fast. I've always wanted to fast, but never felt called to, until now. And it's rough.
However, in only 3 days God has been doing a work in me. Yesterday after lunch I said, "Hmm, I'm full, but I'm just not satisfied." Completely unsolicited the Lord responded, "You have been filling yourself up with the world all your life, but you'll never be satisfied until you fill yourself up with Me." To which I replied, "Ok, then give me more of You" and He did. God doesn't play around. You ask, and He gives. He said that with my vanity, there's not enough room for Him. He reminded me that Daniel was mourning, that's why he was fasting [in verse 10:3] so I would be called to mourn for the things I've put in God's place in my life. Vanity was number one. So during this fast I'm not going to style, cut, or colour my hair nor am I going to wear makeup or use perfume. I can take showers, use deoderant and wear clean clothes - and that's it.
This sounds a little extreme - but if you have seen God move how can anything be worth more than that?! He is my Great Provider, and He will take care of me. I am not going to be in control and yet things will work out. He told me so, and I'm clinging to that every time I see someone have a doughnut.
Jes
Enough of my whining! I should be talking about what God is doing [just in three days!] and what He's called me to do for this fast.
First, why I'm fasting. Well, there's an awful lot going on in my life. Daniel is needing a new job, I am needing to find my place in God's kingdom, and we need a home of our own. Not to mention that I'm literally addicted to food and need to reclaim my own body and put it into submission under God. The job and the house sound like such fleeting, temporal things. Why would I fast about those? Because God answers prayers, and He needs to know that I'm serious about following Him to receive those things which sustain us. Also, God told me that I wasn't going to get any direction until I started doing what He said. Item by item, one at a time, God has given me very clear directions about specific things I need to do to hear about our path. One was to ask a friend to travel with me, even though I didn't think she could make it. The next was to tithe more regularly. After that came this fast. I've always wanted to fast, but never felt called to, until now. And it's rough.
However, in only 3 days God has been doing a work in me. Yesterday after lunch I said, "Hmm, I'm full, but I'm just not satisfied." Completely unsolicited the Lord responded, "You have been filling yourself up with the world all your life, but you'll never be satisfied until you fill yourself up with Me." To which I replied, "Ok, then give me more of You" and He did. God doesn't play around. You ask, and He gives. He said that with my vanity, there's not enough room for Him. He reminded me that Daniel was mourning, that's why he was fasting [in verse 10:3] so I would be called to mourn for the things I've put in God's place in my life. Vanity was number one. So during this fast I'm not going to style, cut, or colour my hair nor am I going to wear makeup or use perfume. I can take showers, use deoderant and wear clean clothes - and that's it.
This sounds a little extreme - but if you have seen God move how can anything be worth more than that?! He is my Great Provider, and He will take care of me. I am not going to be in control and yet things will work out. He told me so, and I'm clinging to that every time I see someone have a doughnut.
Jes
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Pita pita pita!
Yeast free Pita!
You'll need a weight scale for this. I would try to figure out how much I used, but I can't and this made rockin' pita.
400 g whole wheat flour ( I used 2/3 whole wheat flour and 1/3 Whole Wheat Pastry Flour)
10 g baking powder
1 tsp salt
3 tbls olive oil (I converted this from deciliters, aren't you proud?)
water (about 1 c)
Mix together dry ingredients, add olive oil. Start adding water, mixing between each addition, until a dough forms, that is not sticky, but can go into a bowl.
Cover with damp cloth and let rest for 20 min.
Roll or pat into 4 pitas and place on a lightly oiled baking sheet.
Bake at 500 deg for 10 min.
Eat.
You'll need a weight scale for this. I would try to figure out how much I used, but I can't and this made rockin' pita.
400 g whole wheat flour ( I used 2/3 whole wheat flour and 1/3 Whole Wheat Pastry Flour)
10 g baking powder
1 tsp salt
3 tbls olive oil (I converted this from deciliters, aren't you proud?)
water (about 1 c)
Mix together dry ingredients, add olive oil. Start adding water, mixing between each addition, until a dough forms, that is not sticky, but can go into a bowl.
Cover with damp cloth and let rest for 20 min.
Roll or pat into 4 pitas and place on a lightly oiled baking sheet.
Bake at 500 deg for 10 min.
Eat.
Refinement, Learning, Rest and Refreshing
I had a prayer room set last night.
I very much felt the presence of the Lord in the prayer room and it lingered with me as I came home to do my personal devotions.
I have long been feeling like there was very little good to be had on earth. I did, in fact, think that for me personally, there was to be no more good in the land of the living. I don't believe that anymore.
Last night, I believe the Lord said to me, "I delight in giving my children the desires of their hearts. I delight in blessing my beloved ones. But there are seasons. I allow what you perceive as bad during seasons of refinement and learning. I give good and bless during seasons of rest and refreshing. You have been in a season of refinement, but your season of rest and even of joy is approaching."
My Kingdom For Coffee
I was so pleased yesterday when I did NOT get a caffeine withdrawal headache. That blessing was only for yesterday. I've awakened this morning not only with a migraine, but am also nauseous. All I can think about is coffee and I keep trying to convince myself that just one cup won't ruin the whole fast. But, I'm pretty sure deprivation and sacrifice is the whole point.
So, no coffee for me. Today will be a long day.
I'm going to do some yoga and pray. Or, pray and do some yoga and see if that helps.
Monday, January 5, 2009
My Two Cents
As most know, I'm in a time of transition in my life. My divorce will be final in just a few days.
I've just come through the worst ten months of my life and I am weary. Body, mind and soul, I am weary.
And I'm realizing some things about myself that MUST change. And I've discovered myself to be madly in love with Jesus. I want more of Jesus. I want more of the face of God. I want to know Him well. I want to stop repeating the same mistakes. I want to be found faithful to God. I want an undivided heart and to live a life of undistracted devotion to Him.
I was thinking to those ends while I was in the bookstore. I found a study called "Jesus, the One and Only" and decided to get it. It's a ninety day study. I asked the Lord, "What else can I do over these ninety days to know You and Jesus more?" So...God impressed upon me the idea of fasting. Then I got to thinking about the Daniel fast, and something clicked. So, the plan is that I (and my comrades) will do the Daniel fast for three weeks. The second three weeks, I will do a liquid fast for two days each of those three weeks. Lather, rinse, repeat. Before you know it, 90 days is up and my life is radically changed. I hope.
All I really want is to be about My Father's business. I want to sit at His feet and commune with Him. I want the things of this earth to be dethroned and for God to take His rightful place in my heart.
Day 1
I guess I'll break the ice on this blog.
Today, we all started the Daniel Fast. It is three weeks of restricting all "pleasure foods" to gain a better closeness to God. I am also using this time to ask God to release me from my food addiction.
I realized my problem with food recently. I mean really, I have been overweight to obese my whole life. A long time ago food ceased to be something to sustain life and energy, and something to consume to fill holes. Honestly, I don't know what these holes are. I'm hoping to gain a better understanding of why I feel the need to eat myself to death. I know all the answers, so going to a nutritionist is just not the answer. I know I shouldn't eat something before I put it to my lips, but I always make the decision to consume again and again.
I've tried many many times to lose weight, only to give up when I'm on the brink of success. I was always afraid of giving up the food I loved, because eating a massive slice of cake was way more important to me than being a healthy weight. Now, here I am 25 years old and an untold amount of pounds overweight.
I'm just earnestly praying that God will do some work in me this three weeks so I can break free and just live a life where I can finally feel satisfied.
Laura
Today, we all started the Daniel Fast. It is three weeks of restricting all "pleasure foods" to gain a better closeness to God. I am also using this time to ask God to release me from my food addiction.
I realized my problem with food recently. I mean really, I have been overweight to obese my whole life. A long time ago food ceased to be something to sustain life and energy, and something to consume to fill holes. Honestly, I don't know what these holes are. I'm hoping to gain a better understanding of why I feel the need to eat myself to death. I know all the answers, so going to a nutritionist is just not the answer. I know I shouldn't eat something before I put it to my lips, but I always make the decision to consume again and again.
I've tried many many times to lose weight, only to give up when I'm on the brink of success. I was always afraid of giving up the food I loved, because eating a massive slice of cake was way more important to me than being a healthy weight. Now, here I am 25 years old and an untold amount of pounds overweight.
I'm just earnestly praying that God will do some work in me this three weeks so I can break free and just live a life where I can finally feel satisfied.
Laura
Why You're All Here Today
I know that you're all interested in what four crazy women who love Jesus have to say. After all, you are here.
Right now is Transitional Time for us ladies. Each of us is fasting for different reasons, giving up different things, breaking different addictions; but we're all seeking the face of Jesus.
The fast that we're all doing is called The Daniel Fast, as referenced in Daniel, “In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.” Daniel 10:2, 3
So we're going to do this fast for three whole weeks. In case you want to know, that's twenty-one days. Twenty-one days of sacrificing our favourite foods, coffee, and meat. In fact, there's an awful lot we can't have so we'll post what we can have instead:
->All fruits [dried, fresh, frozen, canned and juiced]
->All vegetables [fresh, frozen, dried, juiced or canned]
->All whole grains [including but not limited to whole wheat, brown rice, millet, quinoa, oats, barley, grits, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat tortillas, rice cakes and popcorn]
->All nuts and seeds [ncluding but not limited to sunflower seeds, cashews, peanuts, sesame. Also nut butters including peanut butter]
->All legumes [canned or dried]
->All quality oils [sesame, olive, canola, grape seed, etc]
->Water [spring, distilled, or other pure waters]
->Other: tofu, soy products, vinegar, seasonings, salt, herbs and spices
If you invite any of us to dinner, don't be surprised if we show up brown baggin' it. We're committed to seeing God show up in our lives.
All of us are going to post often during this time sharing prayers, revelations, recipes and encouragement. Every author is going to share her personal story; why she's fasting, what other things God is calling her to do right now [or for a time after the fast ends] and what she's asking God during this.
Most of all, we want change. We need God to be present in our circumstances. We are all pressing in to the cross, seeking Jesus and His healing power in our lives. Welcome to our journey!
Right now is Transitional Time for us ladies. Each of us is fasting for different reasons, giving up different things, breaking different addictions; but we're all seeking the face of Jesus.
The fast that we're all doing is called The Daniel Fast, as referenced in Daniel, “In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.” Daniel 10:2, 3
So we're going to do this fast for three whole weeks. In case you want to know, that's twenty-one days. Twenty-one days of sacrificing our favourite foods, coffee, and meat. In fact, there's an awful lot we can't have so we'll post what we can have instead:
->All fruits [dried, fresh, frozen, canned and juiced]
->All vegetables [fresh, frozen, dried, juiced or canned]
->All whole grains [including but not limited to whole wheat, brown rice, millet, quinoa, oats, barley, grits, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat tortillas, rice cakes and popcorn]
->All nuts and seeds [ncluding but not limited to sunflower seeds, cashews, peanuts, sesame. Also nut butters including peanut butter]
->All legumes [canned or dried]
->All quality oils [sesame, olive, canola, grape seed, etc]
->Water [spring, distilled, or other pure waters]
->Other: tofu, soy products, vinegar, seasonings, salt, herbs and spices
If you invite any of us to dinner, don't be surprised if we show up brown baggin' it. We're committed to seeing God show up in our lives.
All of us are going to post often during this time sharing prayers, revelations, recipes and encouragement. Every author is going to share her personal story; why she's fasting, what other things God is calling her to do right now [or for a time after the fast ends] and what she's asking God during this.
Most of all, we want change. We need God to be present in our circumstances. We are all pressing in to the cross, seeking Jesus and His healing power in our lives. Welcome to our journey!
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